I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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