ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Congratulations! We have a period
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