and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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