She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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