dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
