i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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