spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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