I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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