How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
