new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
