The maid of honor just puked.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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