No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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