I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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