5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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