I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
