halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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