saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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