It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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