We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
