I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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