just tell him i said nine months
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
