A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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