She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
