Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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