ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
