then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
