1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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