so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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