i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
