I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
