I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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