he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
