My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
