sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
