did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
