Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
