Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
