At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
