i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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