I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
