I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
