Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
