My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
