We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
