I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
