Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You ruined the universe
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
