Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found puke in my bra..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
