I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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