i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
