so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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