even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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