Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
