Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
