$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
